Should Autism Moms Work?

Moms of children with autism carry a lot of guilt – what could they have done to prevent this and are they doing enough to recover their child? Add on top of this the work vs. stay-at-home question and you have a double whammy.

When my son was first diagnosed with autism, I was splitting my days working part-time at the office and part-time at home. I thought I had a pretty good balance as a mom. I had several therapists coming into our home to work with my son.

My husband and I worked fast and furious, long hours to pay for as much therapies as possible. We thought the more money we threw at him, the better he would get. And in some ways we were right. I would have not had any idea how to get my son to talk or to regulate his sensory issues. I had to sit and learn from the experts. In this regard, I have no regrets.

But, one day as I sat at my computer working, I listened to the therapist work on getting my son to call “Mom” when he needed something. I thought why am I zoned out over here instead of working on getting my son to engage with me? Shouldn't I be the one to teach him to call for me? Maybe if I quit work, I could be on the floor role with him. Would I have more energy to role play or talk back-and-forth with him? Maybe if I wasn't working at such a fast pace, I would have energy to roll the ball back and forth 100 times until he got the give-and-take of playing with others. I wondered if I was doing the right thing by not teaching him myself.

I read excerpts of the book Son-Rise about a mother who spent her days full-time engaging, playing and healing her son. (Here's more info if you haven't heard of his recovery story: http://www.autismtreatmentcenter.org/contents/about_son-rise/history_of_the_son-rise_program.php).

I felt a wave of guilt about not trying to be my son's own therapist or at least having much energy left over in my day to teach him to come out of his autism world. Would I regret not

So I took a big leap and quit my full-time job to do less demanding part-time work from home. I do not, however, regret the time I paid therapists to heal him. I had to learn from the experts, but I reached a point where I was ready to do a bigger chunk of the work. I knew I had to walk away from my career for a time to really work on my son's recovery. Now, I'm more available for him to have play dates where I can help guide him, I can joke around with him more or show him more things. I still do take him to some to expert therapists for Occupational and Speech Therapy, but it's a lot less now. So, I don't know the right balance for every mom who has a child with autism. But, I learned that when you are ready, you may just be your child's best therapist.

Note: This article was originally written for the newsletter of Autism Society of America, Collin County